There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
be right there i have to get my cape
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
