Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
