He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
