I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
