Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
