If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
