he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
