I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
