Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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