If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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