The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize