My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
