Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
