Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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