I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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