omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
