she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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