btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
