I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
