You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
