every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
