is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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