When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
