dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
