Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
