im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize