Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
