He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize