You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
