there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
