one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
