you traded sex for a burrito?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
