Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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