my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The Olympian is in my bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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