the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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