Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
