Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
