I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
