I hate your face
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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