He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
