if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
