Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize