his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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