Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
