We're like a lot better than the average bears
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
