I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
