Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
