she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize