Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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