Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
