so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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