32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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