Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
