i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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