he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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