she woke up with a sticky ear
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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