nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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