I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
