smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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