3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
