Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
