"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
