there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
